Your “freedom” is an illusion if you’re a man with a weak frame.
Frame is your personal reality. It’s everything.
1. Defend, Excuse, Explain, and Rationalize their Behavior (DEER):
These guys don’t own their actions. They feel compelled to give reasons to justify their behaviors to others.
Explaining yourself to win permission or acquittal in someone else’s shame trial is DEER. Stating facts, owning a mistake, or clarifying a genuine conflict is communication. Don’t confuse the two.
2. Covert Contracts:
Masters of the silent deal. They do something expecting a reward in return, but heaven forbid they say it out loud.
And when they don’t get what they want? Epic sulking session.
These are the men who think their women “ought” to reward them because he ____ (fill in the blank).
No one owes you anything unless they explicitly agreed to it.
Don’t do something because you expect something in return unless that expectation is said aloud and in clear terms.
Otherwise, you’re being too much of a coward to state your true intentions.
3. Seek External Validation:
These fellas can’t make a move without an audience. They’re practically begging for a pat on the back or a gold star.
They can’t do anything without telling someone about it.
“I had a killer workout. I’m getting a lot stronger.”
“I just had an awesome dinner.”
Who cares?
Your rewards are chips other people can cash, so why do you expect them to give a crap?
They don’t.
You just want validation from “expressing yourself.”
4. Look for Permission to Lead:
These men look for cues from others and their women to see if they want to join his ship instead of steering it where he wants to go.
Waiting for permission to lead is not leadership.
5. Oneitis:
Obsession with ‘The One’ is a detrimental psychological reliance that stems directly from the incessant indoctrination of the soulmate fantasy through popular culture.
Newsflash: it’s not healthy, and you’re blinding yourself to reality.
No one other than you is responsible for your happiness.
6. Lack Abundance:
It’s like their woman pool is a dried-up well.
They grab onto any crumbs thrown their way because they don’t believe there’s more where that came from.
These men take crap from their wives not because they want to.
But because they don’t have other options.
Their women know this too and despise them for it because she’s with a dude that no other woman would want to be with either.
You don’t think she thinks about that?
She does.
7. Ruled by Emotion:
Ever seen a kid throw a tantrum in a store?
These guys are the adult version.
They just can’t keep their cool and let their emotions drive them like a stolen car in a high-speed chase.
Feeling an emotion is not losing frame. Making the feeling your master is.
Notice it, separate the sensation from the story, and choose your action. Shaming yourself for the signal only adds another layer of the problem.
8. Feel Guilty for Saying “No”:
Saying “no” isn’t mean, it’s called having boundaries.
These men often end up in situations doing errands and things they don’t want to be doing.
It doesn’t occur to them to just say “no” without DEERING (see #1).
9. Adopt Other People’s Frames:
They’re like human chameleons, just blending into whatever crowd they’re with.
They give tacit approval because they “go along to get along.”
They’ll switch it up faster than a DJ at a rave, all to fit in with the cool kids.
Owning their own worldview would be too painful for them.
But the opposite is true as well.
They get butt-hurt a lot.
Their egos get threatened by the chance that someone else’s frame might be right.
These people drop in on posts to debate and disagree with strangers with no benefit to themselves.
They do this because of ego - theirs is fragile.
It’s why they care about other people’s opinions in the first place - they’re scared they might be right.
10. Have an External Locus of Control:
These types of guys always have “bad luck” and feel critically undervalued.
Chances are they were “mommy’s special boy” and can’t imagine a world where other people don’t see them as mommy did.
If things don’t go their way, they say people are dumb, ignorant, or evil, as if they’re oppressed.
Life is only a box of chocolates if you buy the box.
Stay away from these 10 elements of a weak frame and you’ll be a much freer man.
-Acta Non-Verba
10 Signs of a Man With a Weak Frame.
