Women are like water.
They take the shape of their container - you.
The Captain archetype reveals the behavior you've elicited from your woman.
1. The Drunk Captain and His Reluctant First Officer:
The Problem:
If your story is, “I used to be alpha, but turned into a beta”, this scenario is for you.
You let things slip, you let yourself go, and your wife reluctantly stepped up to the wheel.
If she hadn't, the whole ship would have ended up on the rocks.
Your wife is now bitterly manning the controls, a place she never wanted to be.
She had always envisioned herself enjoying the voyage from a more passive role.
Your wife now views you as a punk.
Not because you lack the skills or ability, but because you lack the tenacity.
She feels like she’s the one doing everything because she can’t rely on you to handle even the simplest tasks.
You’ve perhaps let yourself go, both physically and financially.
Your irresponsibility and impulsiveness have forced your wife to manage ship duties that you can't afford to outsource.
All the above indicates a lack of self-mastery, which is utterly unattractive to women.
No woman feels a deep attraction to a man that can’t run his own life.
It means he’s weak and in no position to take on a woman and children.
The Solution:
Get your life back on track and start steering your ship without leaning on your wife whatsoever.
Your newfound resolve will likely be met with contempt and scorn, due to your past false starts.
Can you blame her?
But if your wife suggests structural improvements to the ship, she's likely onto something.
Press forward.
2. The Captain and the Complaining Passenger:
In this case, your wife isn't your First Officer; she's just a dissatisfied passenger.
You're constantly on eggshells, incessantly criticized and henpecked.
You've always been the 'nice guy,' not the 'alpha,' and perhaps were even raised by a single mom or as a mommy's boy.
This has caused you to develop a codependent relationship that transferred over to your marriage with your wife.
But beneath all this, you're actually a good captain.
You’re responsible, orderly, and ambitious.
Yet, no matter what you do, your wife seems to be perennially discontented and you feel like a failure for letting her down.
If you did something right it’s:
“Took you long enough.”
Or “You could have done it faster if you would have ____”
If you did something wrong you should have “listened to her all along.”
She’ll then remind you of all your past failures too.
Time to change directions.
The Solution:
You must 100% stop seeking validation from your wife and become your own point of mental origin.
Your validation seeking makes you unattractive.
The codependency must be shattered.
You'll need to establish boundaries and develop robust mental models to support them.
3. The Captain and Her Husband:
You're the guy who feels he “married up.”
Your wife is more attractive than you are and everyone has always known it.
Your wife is at the helm, running a tight ship, while you're just along for the ride.
Her highly regimented approach leaves no room for deviation, and your laid-back nature struggles to find a place.
You’ve got some accomplishments under your belt, but you're tired of not running your own ship.
You are tired of feeling emasculated.
You don’t want sex to be planned down to the minute.
You want passion and to Captain your own ship.
The Solution:
Well, launch your own ship, Captain.
You must increase your sexual market value (SMV).
A woman will never be attracted to a man she is better than.
It’s not how they are wired.
Your wife might not take much notice initially, but as your paths intersect, she'll either have to jump ship and join you or steer off on her own.
Conclusion:
While these types of Captains may not fit you exactly, you fall somewhere on the spectrum of one of them.
But you must not initiate change for her.
That is a covert contract and validation-seeking, which is weak and unattractive.
If your marriage is to work out, it will be because you internalized more attractive and useful mental models that led to you being more desired by your wife.
This, in turn, will bring her into your frame (your reality) as it would have done with countless other women.
Your job is to be awesome. Not to fix your marriage or anyone else.
Her job is to figure out how she can add value to you in other ways you desire.
If she won’t, you’ll be in a much better position for someone that will.
-Acta Non Verba
3 Kinds Of Dysfunctional Men
